Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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