Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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