it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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