Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
