fuck your aforementioned shoe
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
