maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
