I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
