Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
