when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
