i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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