So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
