In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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