i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
