This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
