Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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