when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
