He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
