we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
