Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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