I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
