He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
