What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
