too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize
