I bet he comes in French.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
