My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
