i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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