That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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