Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
