: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
bring money and cleavage
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
