the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
