i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
