Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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