I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
