Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
