i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
