i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
