Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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