were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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