You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
