Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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