i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
