woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
