I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
