Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
