addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
