When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
