Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Never joke about your clitoris.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
