so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
