just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
