it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
