no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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