i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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