Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
