Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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