At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
