she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
