Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
