some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
