Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
