I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize