and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
