she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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