I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
