i barfeds in our rink
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
