I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
