Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
