If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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