New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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